The Void

The VOID is what happens when you break up with someone. It's almost inevidable. When you're in a relationshp, the other person creates a little niche for themselves in your life, in your schedule, and often in your heart. And then all of a sudden you break up with them and there is this vaccum staring you in the face. A black hole. A void.

The void can happen even after a short, responsible relationship. It definitely happens after longer ones.

At the precipice of the void is a dangerous place to be, not because you might get sucked in, but because you can't see beyond it. But there is a beyond, so make plans to get through it. After a breakup, there comes an hour of the day when you are bored or lonely because it's an hour you've gotten used to filling with your ex. Resist the urge to call them up and see if they're lonely too. It's irrelevant. Fill the time with something else. Go to the mall, get coffee with a friend, whatever. Fill the void with something else. Eventually you'll start to feel the light at the end of the tunnel.

A wise friend of mine once said "I'm giving myself a week to mope." THIS IS GREAT ADVICE. Often, if you give yourself some self-pity time, it won't even take a week.

I once had to launch a campaign against an ex to keep myself from forgetting why I broke up with him in the first place. It was because of his grunts. He was a great boyfriend, but what I was looking for was a great life partner, and this guy didn't fit the bill because he just didn't give enough respect to any of my interests that didn't intersect with his own. So when I'd talk to him about them, he'd, at best, grunt. At worst, he'd tease me about them. I wrote MSG on my hand to remind me about his monosyllabic grunts. I wrote it on my bulletin board. I used it as a profile picture on my networking sites. I surrounded myself with this campaign so as to avoid falling into the void. And it worked. Every time I wanted to make contact with him, I had a visual reminder of why he wasn't for me in the long run.