When to Marry

What is the right time to get married? The easy answer is: When you're ready and when you want to. Obviously, this would require you to have a willing partner first.

YOu might say "aha, that's where things get complicated." But I say, if they're complicated, as in -- the relationship between the two of you is complicated, complex, up and down, or otherwise not fairly simple and straightforward, then the answer is usually pretty clear.

It's that simple. If you don't want to get married to the person you're dating, and I believe that you should know a definite 'no' if not a definite 'yes' within three months or so, you should move on.

But back to the subject of when to get married. Maybe I need to rephrase the question. How do I know that it's time to get married? And I'll repeat the answer: it's when you're in a relationship that brings you up and your partner up and never down, when you're with someone who supports and respect you and with whom you feel confident. Someone motivated and who acts on their motivations. Take love out of this equation. Love is important but it should come after the other criteria are met.

Who To Marry

Look for a guy that you get along with, that you feel comfortable with, with whom you can KISS-- Keep It Simple, Sister! Someone that you respect and with whom you feel confident and free. Someone motivated. Someone kind. Other things willl fall into place.
You're on the right track by not dating people who you don't intend to marry, but don't limit yourself to people who are seemingly list-worthy. I would never have married my wonderful spouse if I had to list the criteria he encompases.

The Void

The VOID is what happens when you break up with someone. It's almost inevidable. When you're in a relationshp, the other person creates a little niche for themselves in your life, in your schedule, and often in your heart. And then all of a sudden you break up with them and there is this vaccum staring you in the face. A black hole. A void.

The void can happen even after a short, responsible relationship. It definitely happens after longer ones.

At the precipice of the void is a dangerous place to be, not because you might get sucked in, but because you can't see beyond it. But there is a beyond, so make plans to get through it. After a breakup, there comes an hour of the day when you are bored or lonely because it's an hour you've gotten used to filling with your ex. Resist the urge to call them up and see if they're lonely too. It's irrelevant. Fill the time with something else. Go to the mall, get coffee with a friend, whatever. Fill the void with something else. Eventually you'll start to feel the light at the end of the tunnel.

A wise friend of mine once said "I'm giving myself a week to mope." THIS IS GREAT ADVICE. Often, if you give yourself some self-pity time, it won't even take a week.

I once had to launch a campaign against an ex to keep myself from forgetting why I broke up with him in the first place. It was because of his grunts. He was a great boyfriend, but what I was looking for was a great life partner, and this guy didn't fit the bill because he just didn't give enough respect to any of my interests that didn't intersect with his own. So when I'd talk to him about them, he'd, at best, grunt. At worst, he'd tease me about them. I wrote MSG on my hand to remind me about his monosyllabic grunts. I wrote it on my bulletin board. I used it as a profile picture on my networking sites. I surrounded myself with this campaign so as to avoid falling into the void. And it worked. Every time I wanted to make contact with him, I had a visual reminder of why he wasn't for me in the long run.